May 11, 2023

Mothers Day '23 - Bite Size: 006

Mothers Day '23 - Bite Size: 006
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Have you reached the point where the roles have reversed and you are having to take care of your aging parents? In this bite size episode I talk about what I have been going through and feeling while having to take care of my mother leading up to and since her TAV-R surgery to replace her Aortic heart valve.

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Bite size.

Welcome to another episode of Chewing the Fat. I'm your host, Big Robb. Thank you so much for tuning in, downloading the episode. If it just showed up all of a sudden, you're like, hey, where'd this come from? Yeah, I know. I haven't talked to you in a while. And that's what I'm going to talk to you about. As to why. This bite sized episode. So been dealing with my mother's health. You know, I interviewed my mom.

A few episodes back, if you haven't had a chance, she is a spitfire and a single mom raising me and my brother and just doing it all. And we've reached this point in our relationship. She just turned 84. And so I'm having to care for her more.

And so the roles are starting to reverse. I don't know if you've ever been through that or if you're going through that or if you see that on the horizon, having to take care of your parents. It's an interesting place to be. Interesting is putting it mildly. You know, when you've got this person that has been your rock and your support and your firm foundation that you can go to and you see...

the effects of time on them, on their bodies, their minds. And it's rough. And it's rough because of the way the relationship changes and having to take care. I don't say that to say that it's a bad thing. It's just, that's where I am taking care of my mother, making sure she's okay. She's still very independent. She lives.

on her own, you know, in a senior apartment community. So she's got her friends that they'll sit out on the porch and they'll talk and everybody knows everybody and she just loves her friends. Um, but sometimes there are things going on health wise that just worry me and having to get to her. Can I get to her in time? You know, uh, it's, it's just hard. And that's, that's what I've been dealing with the past couple of months. Uh, she actually,

had to have her aortic valve in her heart replaced. So we did that, gosh, I guess about a month ago. So the beginning of April of 2023, she had that. So we're about a month on with that. But all of the doctor's appointments, getting into that and the testing and the making sure she's eating right and.

We're in whatever ranges need to be so that she could have the procedure because she needs the procedure. And then just dealing with the procedure. She was all like, yeah, let's do it. Let's get it done tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. And for me, it was just, obviously I wanted to get it done, but it was just like, you know, this is major surgery. You're an 83 year old woman at the time.

They're going into your heart to replace a valve. This is this is not easy for me. And not to make it about me. But that's just some of the stuff that was on my mind. Yes, I wanted to have it done because I want her to not be breathless, not be tired, not feel all of that stuff that she's feeling because of this heart disease. This bad valve.

but just the fear of what, you know, what if this is it? This is it, she's gonna go in and she's not gonna make it out, you know? But here's the thing is I still have those thoughts just driving over to her house, you know? If I haven't heard from her or gotten a text or a call and she didn't answer or didn't respond to a text, and you know, so I'll make that trip, that 20 minute trip over and I'm just scared one day I'm gonna open the door and she's going to have just left.

Um, passed away, not like left the apartment, but just be there. And that's, that's how I find her. And you know, that's a fear I will, I will have. And I don't think, you know, that it's ever going to get any better, especially as she's getting older and getting older. Um, I'm getting older, you know? Uh, but I, I have to remind myself. That.

I still have the opportunity to take care of her. I get to take care of her. I get to spend time with her. Yes, it is frustrating sometimes to get all of her accoutrement together, to get into the car, to get her rollator, to get her drink that she wants to have in the car so she can sip on her cran pomegranate juice.

if she needs it in between doctors appointments or whatever. It gets, it gets frustrating. And as a human, I'm like, I can't, I just, I want to be doing something else, but I have to remind myself that I get to still spend some time with other people out there that don't, don't have their mothers anymore, that don't have the opportunity to take care of them.

to worry about them through having this heart surgery, this, you know, they don't have that opportunity anymore because they've passed on her. Or maybe they just never had someone like that in their life. Maybe they didn't have a mom that was around or that was an influence in a positive way. So I have to remind myself that this is still a blessing. It's a blessing I get to worry about her. It's a blessing I get to play.

taxi driver for her to take her to her doctor's appointments and grocery shopping. And if it's a long day of appointments, she'll want to grab lunch in the middle of the day. And I get to sit there with her and talk and just chit chat. And people watch and make comments. Those little moments that I know when they're gone.

are going to be the ones that I remember and the ones that I miss the most.

But also there are those times that after I've dropped her back off at her house, that I may get in the car and I just cry all the way back home.

because I don't know what I'll do when that day comes that she's not there anymore. And I feel like I'm a horrible person for wanting to lash out and be frustrated at how slow she moves and how hard-headed she can be sometimes when I'm trying to get her medicine organized or do something that might help her or show her how to...

do something on her phone more efficiently so that she can do what she wants to do and still have that independence. And I feel guilty when I get frustrated and I scream at the top of my lungs in the car.

but I think everybody goes through those times. And it's just been really tumultuous for me. And that's why I've concentrated on taking care of her and the family as much as I can once we got through this heart surgery. So that's why I've been out. Thank you for everyone that has reached out through Instagram.

I reached out through the website and just asking and checking on me. I appreciate that. You don't know how much I appreciate that and I appreciate your support. So we are getting things back to normal as normal as the new normal is, I suppose. Mom's health is much better. Things are going well. She's getting stronger every day.

And I'm trying to put more life back into the things I'm passionate about, like this podcast. I've got more guests lined up. You should start seeing more frequent episodes of Chewing the Fat. So I'm looking forward to having more conversations, finding out more from people how they are helping to keep the darkness at bay. And I'm looking forward to sharing that.

with you. If you don't follow the podcast on any of the socials yet you can find us at ChewingTheFatBR or the website has all the links on there at Thank you so much for being here and I look forward to the next time we have to sit a spell and chew the fat.