WEBVTT
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Projects done with love and not much else.
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Welcome to another episode of Chewing the Fat.
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I am your host, Big Robb.
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Thank you so much for tuning in, downloading the podcast.
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I certainly do appreciate that.
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It's the place where we tell those beautiful, messy human stories.
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And I've got another beautiful messy human in front of me right now calling in from Tampa, Florida.
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Please welcome Jason Beard.
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Jason, how are you doing, buddy?
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Doing well, Robb.
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How are you?
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I'm good.
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I'm good.
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Thank you so much for uh agreeing to join me on this.
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Um, absolutely.
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Yeah, I've been wanting to for a while.
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It's uh I've never done something like this before.
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Not this, not this type of interview.
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Where this interview will likely go, I have not done.
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It's usually just like straight, you know, like promotional type stuff.
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And and honestly, I haven't done that much, so I'm still kind of a newbie when it comes to all of it.
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Well, uh, I promise I'll be gentle with you uh in this.
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Uh Jason and I know each other because Jason is an amazing producer of uh uh several uh audio drama podcasts, uh including Leo Brawn, which I was uh honored to be a part of the cast in that for uh some episodes, as well as um yeah, Magnetar going on as well, and uh uh Topaz and Stillman, which is actually a spin-off of Leo Brawn, and I did a couple of uh episodes of that as well.
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Um and and so it's the the reason I wanted to have Jason on here is one, is because he's an amazing creative.
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Uh I've never read copy that built such amazing worlds like you do.
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You're an amazing writer as far as world building.
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And I've said that on other interviews when people have asked about this.
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Uh, I just really appreciate how you put so much thought into what you're writing about.
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And um where did that come from?
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You're you're you're you're in Tampa now.
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Is Tampa Tampa always been home for you?
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Yeah, Florida has always been home.
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I used to live in uh Polk County, Florida, so which is about an hour away from Tampa.
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And um, so if you if you're familiar with Walt Disney World, I lived uh probably um uh probably about a half hour away from that.
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Okay.
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Uh Polk City itself is a very tiny little small truck stop of a town.
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And we uh I lived with my parents and two younger sisters just on the outskirts.
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They were two elementary school teachers.
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I went to the elementary school teacher, uh the elementary school there.
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And uh so it's it was a uh a very uh I if not ideal, idyllic sort of upbringing for the most part, and uh can't complain really about any of that.
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Except didn't really have any friends in my neighborhood, so I think that's where the imagination kicked in.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, that's what I was gonna say is growing up, did you all did you always have like such a vivid and active imagination?
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Always.
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Always.
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And I didn't realize even even at a young age, I was sort of directing my friends and like even when we would be playing, it wasn't just let's go play cops and robbers.
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It was like, no, no, no, but this is your name, this is your backstory.
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I didn't probably didn't call it backstory back then, but you know, there was some sort of context.
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So I fell in love with it, I think it and then uh around 11 is when I kind of realized what it was, you know, like filmmaking or of some kind.
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And so that's when I absconded with my mom's uh camcorder and just started uh making little films and writing little stories and stuff like that.
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So that's kind of where that where that came from, and I couldn't stop.
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I was addicted to it.
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I ruined a lot of guys' weekends because they wanted to go drinking and I just wanted to make my stupid little movies.
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Yeah.
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That's awesome though.
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I mean, uh, you know, I've I'm always a big proponent of if you know if you got something creative inside and you know, get it, get it out, figure out a way to get it out, whether it's writing or or creating, you know, little shorts or you know, writing music or whatever it is, you know, get it out somehow.
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I think that's amazing.
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Um, did you go to school for that as well?
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I I mean, I like said you did the the kind of home movie stuff, but then did you decide, you know what?
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I want this to be a career.
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And then you take that into school and in college?
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I I did.
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I went, um, I had two years of community college.
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I was I was very lost at the time and uh not not so much of an academic.
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It's like I knew what I wanted to do, but I was sort of I I I was, I guess you could say like an artist, but I I I had no logical thinking, you know.
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I I just I didn't know how to sort of set a path for myself.
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So luckily we did find a film school.
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I mean, at the time it was an audio primarily an audio school called Full Sale in Orlando, Florida.
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And um, so they had just started um not too long after I joined a video um and film production um uh uh course.
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And um, so I took that.
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You basically get about two years worth of education in one year.
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At least that was at the time.
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Now they do four years.
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Oh wow.
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But um, but uh at the time, and uh so yeah, that's where I that's where I got kind of honed my screenwriting skills.
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I didn't really have any formal training before that, and so I had a great uh instructor there that was kind of if you could call it a major, that's probably what I focused on was the screenwriting, more so than directing or like camera operating or anything like that.
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And uh um yeah, graduated in '97.
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They had a great placement program where you could um, they got you jobs in the industry.
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So I started, of course, at the at the at the bottom level a production assistant and um just kind of worked my way up to some camera assistant jobs.
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I befriended a few people there that also had, you know, like-minded goals of being filmmakers.
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And so we started shooting little independent films on the side.
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And then um money was starting to dry up and I needed a quote unquote real job.
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And so I kind of did step away from the production side of things for a while and then ended up ended up in Tampa at a prominent staffing firm here, and uh, and that's where I've been uh first five years was on the sales side, and then the last 20 plus years has been in IT.
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Wow.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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So um, so when you say you stepped away, you you you stepped away from it, other than other than uh what people would call a hobby type pursuit.
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Correct.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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I continued to do it with like my friends and family, like little short films and stuff, more for my own amusement and I guess uh with some secret hope that I could still hone my skills and someday re-enter um that that field.
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But it wasn't until I turned uh 50 and I knew I had all these stories hidden on a uh on my on Google Drive somewhere that I I couldn't stop thinking about, never abandoned.
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I just would always go back to it, touch it up a little bit.
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And so even though most of it was just in my head, I kind of realized I need to do something with this.
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I can't, I need to, I need to, I need to be able to say that I gave it a shot.
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Yeah.
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And not, you know, not look back one day and wonder what if, you know, I had actually done it.
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So I had at that time become very um had become a huge fan of podcasts.
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I I I had a long commute every day to work from Polk County to Tampa.
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So I was listening to podcasts all the time.
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Some of them were like audio dramas and stuff like that.
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So um I had the concept of Leo Bron pretty much fleshed out for a first a full first season uh with outlines for two or three other seasons.
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So I thought this is the closest thing I have to something that's complete and give it a shot.
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And uh so that's kind of where that came from.
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Yeah.
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And and the advantage of a podcast, an audio drama, is you don't have to worry about sets and lighting and you know, and things like that that, you know, that really do become a hindrance and a in a and a cost increase and a time increase when you have to deal with those parts of it as well.
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As we were talking before we started here, you know, folks have asked me, it's like, well, why don't you do video on your podcast or whatever?
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And it's like, that's just one extra thing that I, you know, I'm not as it's not that I'm not as passionate about the video part, but it's just us talking.
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You know what I mean?
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It's a couple talking heads, you know what I mean?
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Whereas I feel like if you lean into the story and you listen, you kind of build that as you're listening to the podcast itself, as opposed to being like, oh, he's got some mustard on his lip or something like that.
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You know what I mean?
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Right.
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Yeah.
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So yeah, or cut myself shaving, which I did.
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So I'm glad this is not uh on camera.
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Um I uh I uh well and and hence that's where shoestring TV came from.
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So shoestring itself is a reference to shoestring budget because I was trying to tell people, hey, when I do this, when I do these videos, it's not gonna look like much, but you know, just know that it was done with love.
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That was kind of my tagline for a while, was like, you know, projects done with love and not much else.
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That was kind of the original tagline for shoestring TV.
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But the idea was to say, like, we know it doesn't look like there was much money poured into this, but we had a great time making it.
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Right.
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And um, so when I made when I when I kind of pivoted to the podcast world, having never been a part of it before, I I I shoestring TV was sort of an entity that I already had.
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I already had the YouTube channel for it.
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And so I just sort of decided let's let's just stick with it, you know, and maybe I'll change it down the road.
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And um, and now I don't feel like I can, even if I wanted to.
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So now it's I think we're we're living with shoestring TV for a while.
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But uh yeah, yeah.
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It's still a it's still a you know, sort of a it's not filmmaking, but it's it's still you know very much independent still on the you know underground kind of thing in many ways.
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So yeah, and you and you are you are you know you're you're you're building these worlds, you're putting it together, you're you're doing your soundscaping and your and your scoring and all of that other stuff.
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So I mean it's still kind of the the shoestring uh uh what do they call it, the the like kind of gorilla filmmaking type attitude about it.
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But it is it is audio, which is funny that you're called shoestring TV and it's it's all audio stuff.
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You know, that's that's that's real shoestring right there.
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So so shoestring we can't afford video.
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But we just say it's video.
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That's as close as we can get to it.
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Right, right.
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So when they go to the YouTube channel, you're just still listening.
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You're watching the logo and listening to the that's it.
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That's it.
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Even at YouTube, it's just a still image the whole time you're listening to 40 minutes of whatever we're whatever we're throwing at you.
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That's awesome.
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That's awesome.
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Um and Leo is now I'll ask you this, Leo is it's a horror genre podcast.
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Yes.
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Um and Magnetar, I feel, is more kind of sci-fi, and then uh Topaz and Stillman is uh comedy, again, as a spin-off from the horror podcast.
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Um but seeing as Leo was the the kind of the impetus of this, have you always been a fan of horror and suspense and that thriller type of uh genre?
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Oh yeah, oh yeah.
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For a for a young for since I was a young kid, probably before I was probably supposed to really be able to see horror films, I was watching horror films.
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I remember my dad, my my uncle had uh one of the early cable boxes, like where you actually had like a little dial that you had.
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And he had HBO, and my dad is an enormous fan of the alien franchise, and it's back in the this is back in the late 70s, early 80s, so only the first movie existed at the time, but um, but I watched that and was just terrified, you know.
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But it kind of hooked me into that world, and and uh, and of course I've just loved it ever s ever since.
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But I was an enormous movie buff my whole childhood, and you know, I I was very close to my family, but I would spend hours and hours in front of the television watching movies, um, and not just horror.
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I was an enormous, like I think a lot a lot of us from my generation and you know, kind of a child of the 70s and 80s, loving all of the Spielberg, the George Lewis, all of that stuff.
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Indiana Jones was a personal, you know, like he was a hero.
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Like I loved that stuff.
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And those movies were sort of the ones that I started to notice, like camera work and camera angles.
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It's like, oh, look how the image is pushing in on this actor when they're, you know, this scene is happening.
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So it kind of was teaching me things.
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Um but yeah, but horror is something that um is one of the few genres left where I can still I feel like I'm surprised, or I'll get that sense of uh excitement over it.
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Um or like when you watch something that just has like an amazing performance, even I mean, I don't it doesn't even have to be horror, but just like watching somebody just knock it out of the park and just you know, sort of spellbound by what you're seeing before you.
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So um, and and horror can definitely do that, especially what some call like the elevated horror now, like with uh entries like weapons, which I really love, which just came out not too long ago, or you know, hereditary, or you know, the the list goes on and on.
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But um, yeah, I could talk for hours just about all the horror movies I like, The Exorcist is a personal favorite, which of course did have an influence in Leo Braun because of the subject matter.
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And it was one of the things that just really truly scared me.
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So I thought, okay, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna dive into horror, then I want it to be of about material that I I personally find horrifying, which is you know, demonic possession and those types of things, which is why Leo is sort of set in that world.
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I was gonna ask, um, you know, because you do deal with uh, you know, demonic possessions, you know, the otherworldly, underworldly, overworldly type of stuff, um, you know, a lot of uh, you know, religious motifs kind of come into play.
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Were you very religious growing up, uh type of thing, or or just the influence of the movies and things that you saw kind of drew you into just that side of the storytelling?
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I think for me it was more the influence of from the films more so than more so than we definitely went to church as a family when I was a child, and um that that continued into my I think early teens.
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And I think at some point I decided I had sort of requested that I be allowed to make my own choice.
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It wasn't that I was saying I don't believe or that I, you know, but it wasn't I wasn't at the time really getting any sort of value out of it, at least I didn't think I was.
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Right.
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Um, and um, but but in terms of like the storytelling for Leo Brawn, it had a lot to do with um just filmmaking film influences.
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And I think at the time when when the the the nugget of that idea happened, this is probably something we'll talk about in the second segment, but I was at sort of a low point and looking for, I think, some redemption.
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And even though Leo can be very dark at times, it is a lot of about how can I redeem myself even though I died.
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I thought I followed the rules, but I wound up in hell anyway.
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And um, but hell's not exactly what I thought it would be.
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I'm not being punished continuously or you know, whatever.
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And it seems like maybe there is a chance I could try and make something of my damned soul now.
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So it was kind of, you know, like it was that was kind of the thought of it.
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And I don't even think I really knew it as I was writing it.
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It was later I realized, oh, I'm I think I'm you you wrote a little bit of yourself into it without realizing it.
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Yeah, I think so.
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Oh I love that.
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I love that.
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Now you you mentioned something just a few moments ago, and I just wanted to circle back on it because you talked about uh watching uh Indiana Jones and really starting to appreciate like camera movements and angles and visual storytelling.
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And and that served you in your short short films and things like that.
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How has that stuff influenced your your world building and your scene setting for audio drama, though?
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Because you now that you it's not that you can't do a whip pan to you know character B or whatever visually, right?
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But you kind of can audibly.
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So how is that how has that been to convert those skills to audio?
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Yeah.
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Um some of it, some of it happened very organically, just by way of using the same software that I had used to edit the um the videos.
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So and I was starting to learn how to work with sound, even even way back then, even though it was you know very silly stuff.
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But um, when it came to the the audio drama, uh Leo Bron, I just knew I wanted it to be, it's it's kind of that theater of the mind you know thing, and and like the old radio plays that you would hear.
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Well, I didn't really hear them if I'm you know, it might have been before my time, but I'm aware they existed, okay?
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And I probably would have liked them.
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But um, but uh so I was trying to have that sort of feel.
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And I'm not the only one doing that, but I just knew I wanted you to feel immersed in it.
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And so that from that standpoint, I aimed for a cinematic quote unquote feel, like where you felt like the production value was very high, um, you know, to the point where you're hearing, you know, I'm hearing, you know, it could have just been you just hear the voices, but no, I want I want you to feel that or hear the character moving.
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I want you to, if you want to hear something from them perspective, then you know, you're throwing sound one way or another and trying to sort of the whole really the whole experience is how how how immersive can this be?
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So that you can just sort of sort of sit back as a listener and hopefully be mesmerized by it and feel like you're really there.
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:02.559
Yeah.
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:10.559
That was so I brought, I guess if anything, I brought what I little I had learned from the video editing side and just tried to expand upon that.
00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:12.000
I and I've said this before too.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:16.960
I think it helps too because I didn't know um anything.
00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:20.160
I didn't know like the technical side of of it.
00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:25.599
So I went solely by uh taste, uh what I thought I would like.
00:20:25.599 --> 00:20:40.240
And um I'll I'll I always don't give the I don't do the quote the right way, but it was an Orson Wells quote where somebody had said, How did you know you could do all the things that you did in some of your your films?
00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:43.599
Um, you know, the groundbreaking ones, and he said that he did.
00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:45.200
That was that's how he did it.
00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:46.880
He didn't know he wasn't supposed to do it.
00:20:46.880 --> 00:20:48.880
Yeah, you don't know what you don't know.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:49.519
Right.
00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:57.599
Yeah so if he was dreaming up these shots on a crane that are moving across, you know, a cityscape, it was just he just wanted the image.
00:20:57.599 --> 00:20:59.920
He didn't know that oh, you're not really supposed to do that.
00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:01.920
You know, that's really not something we do.
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:15.279
And um so it wasn't like I set out to be any kind of disruptor um of the of this industry, but it was just ignorance and just kind of going by what I liked to hear.
00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:29.039
I've learned some things since, which now I want to go back and you know, remaster some of the earlier stuff, but um but for the most part I still kind of uh edit it that way, you know, just what do I like?
00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:38.720
What would I you know, like write what you would want to see on screen, and I edit basically like what would I want to hear in an audio drama or other show.
00:21:39.200 --> 00:21:39.759
I love that.
00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:40.799
I love that.
00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:55.279
Um so the podcast, uh speaking of Leo Leo Brawn, um what's your average number of talent per episode on that thing?
00:21:55.279 --> 00:22:04.319
Because you have a pretty big talent roster overall for for the series because I there's a ton of my friends that are that are in these as well.
00:22:04.319 --> 00:22:10.000
So but oh yeah so it's not just you know one guy changing his voice or whatever.
00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:13.440
I mean you have you have some big casts in this.
00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:14.240
Yes.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:44.160
And I I must admit that was a complete that that's where I look at like Kismet and where if you if you believe that you know this if something was meant to be uh because I was very scared to I mean this one of the reasons it took so long if I admit it to myself is just I was scared you know to I didn't want to put something out there and be told it sucked and I had no I'd never had any validation until I put Leo Braun out that my writing was ever up to snuff.
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:47.119
You know so there was never I never had that inkling.
00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:51.759
I always felt that it was good but you you know I'm imposter syndrome all day long.
00:22:51.759 --> 00:23:04.079
So for me until until I had like some of the cast members saying like you know and and you were one of them you know like you know the the writing is good and I'm like really because I'm you know you don't know it.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:09.920
Uh at least I didn't um and it's not dire a direct answer to your question but what I uh I'll get there.
00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:21.519
What I loved about it was you know I eased into it and Stitch Mainville who plays Leo Bron he was the first person to respond on Facebook and I'd never put anything on Facebook ever.
00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:24.799
And um not for any of my films or anything like that.
00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:27.279
I just always recruited friends and family before that.
00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:42.079
So then I I put that out there Stitch responded he had never done anything before and then we both uh for the first episode you know we we both that was it those are the only people in that episode that my son played a small character.
00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:48.319
But other than that it was me doing some of the voices and um and Stitch did some of like the demonic voices as well.
00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:53.200
So then by that time I knew okay well episode two is going to be a bigger one.
00:23:53.200 --> 00:24:28.880
There's already more characters I need I need it I need a Satan I need the pig I need these characters and then just one by one uh Terry Briscoe joined Jim Frank uh Tabitha Mixon and then it started to come together and and Eric Carlino joined and what was so cool that that's when I knew the the voice the voice acting community was such a warm and and seem seemingly welcoming and inviting community because they all knew each other and I kind of arrived at each one independently I wasn't getting referred by other people I just met these people and they just happened to know other people.
00:24:29.039 --> 00:25:12.319
So it was a really cool experience and then um uh and then yeah now we're a year and change in and we have 40 plus different um cast members across the three uh projects and um I just kind of pinch myself because it's it's a it's a just there's a wealth of there's a wealth there that I uh don't always feel um uh you know that I don't deserve it basically still got some of that imposter syndrome is like always yeah always yeah so I'm not yeah I'm not ready to cash it in and say like oh you know I got it all figured out no way.
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:38.640
I mean it's not that you I got it all figured out but you know hopefully the fact that you just said you have a cast of 40 people that you can call on and and say hey I think you'd be good for this role or this role or here's this and it's a continuation of a role we want to bring you back or whatever that that's some validation to you and I mean you're gonna celebrate those the small wins all a f40 member cast to me is not a small win.
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:41.599
That is a that's a pretty pretty major win.
00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:42.799
That's true.
00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:52.960
So so and it's it's not lack of humility to say wow that's pretty that's a pretty cool thing but you know hopefully that helps quell some of that imposter syndrome.
00:25:53.279 --> 00:26:04.079
Yeah or you're that particular one pinpoint you know yeah on that one that one area I do feel like okay I got some validation there.
00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:43.200
These people like me they want to stick around and I'm so but honestly so grateful and I've actually you know made made some friends through it and um and uh some some colleagues that are were you know we're trying now at this at this at this juncture just got to a point where I'm like okay I know I can't I know I can't keep doing all of this um it's not sustainable to for me to be doing all of it anymore and not trying to do three uh shows all at once and and I that was a that was a that was chaos of my own making it's just I knew I wanted more out there than just Leo and for a number of reasons.
00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:47.599
I mean I wanted I wanted the horror genre out there.
00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:53.599
I love Leo can't wait to get to season two which is going to be really so much fun and huge.
00:26:53.599 --> 00:27:04.720
But I wanted to show other sides you know and I do have a very absurd silly kind of sense of humor and can be crass.
00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:20.960
I wouldn't say it's the most sophisticated sense of humor but it it makes me laugh and so um when Jim and Terry who just sort of as an aside said hey we should have a podcast you know Willie Topaz and Mori Stillman should have a podcast I was like yeah whatever that's not gonna happen.
00:27:20.960 --> 00:28:00.240
I can be I'm barely getting through first season of Leo but then the idea was there and I couldn't stop thinking about it and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I like um satire especially of of an industry like you know the movie industry and so I love the 80s I love references to the 1980s um my like back to the future came out in 1985 and that that is such an important movie for me and it's such a uh like there's this paradigm shift what happened in life before back to the future and after so there's like a part part of my life where I can pinpoint like yeah things changed after I saw that movie.
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:14.000
Oh wow and um anyway so um yeah so it's uh it's just been a kind of a blessing like the people that I've been able to meet and you know the work that we're able to do now.
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:24.160
And that there's I guess my point if I can arrive at one is there are people that are wanting to do more now than just um act in it.
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:25.599
They want to be a part of it.
00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:41.519
And um and so that's been an enormous uh weight lifted and I can and and also it's helped me sort of put trust in in other people you know that I can that I that I have uh a team that I can actually work with.
00:28:41.839 --> 00:29:28.799
And then sometimes that's hard especially when you're that solo creator to to to give the reins over and trust someone to do something else in your voice in your quote unquote voice and in your vision uh you know you know sometimes it takes a lot of trust to to build to be able to say okay all right cool I'm putting it in your hands thank you do it because you're still doing the the nine to five thing right you so you're still working at the uh working at the salt mines as they say um yeah so I mean yeah so to be able to just have that time freed up that your vision can still get made and get put out in a more timely fashion instead of having to be up at three in the morning after a long day of work because you're trying to get this stuff out on a deadline and all.
00:29:29.359 --> 00:30:32.000
Correct yeah that that was exactly it and I think also um you know I would be interested in like the sound soundscape has become such a a maddening experience because it's it's uh it's clearly the thing I know the least about but I I've sort of once again sort of I set a quote unquote standard that I'm trying to maintain and um and sometimes I just want to say you know screw it you're just gonna hear two people talking I don't do that but it definitely that's the hardest part so getting to a point where oh I can probably trust somebody that you know this is what they want to do and they're really really good at it and um and I could that would be a dream I think down the road to eventually say hey I trust you and uh you know here are a few parameters I would like you to yeah you know uh keep in mind while you're doing it but please please go do what you do what you do.
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:37.519
And that would free me up a lot because my my biggest pleasure is the the writing aspect of it.
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:46.079
So I would the if and then that would allow me to start creating some of the other things I got in in the vault that I want to expose to the the world.
00:30:46.400 --> 00:32:03.599
Yeah I love that um and you you're creating something that not only your cast wants to be a part of but something that people want to hear as well how's how's that been for you in in you know as a quote newbie podcaster to see that whole process and and subscriptions and downloads and Patreons and this that you know what I mean all of those aspects that you kind of have to have with a with a podcast um how's that been to say like oh wow it's not just me it's not just the cast there are more people that like this yeah oh man that was such an that was an ex such an exciting thing and and validating experience as well that you know um this I I mean I I don't I don't say this just to you know there's no false humility here but just that someone you know looking at an analytic and seeing that there's somebody in the UK or Germany or anywhere in the United States anyone that decided they were going to make the choice to listen and then sometimes you can watch that trend that oh they went from one episode to the next and you know so it's I mean that that's that's the best part of it.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:09.599
You know it's like for me it's just this is an expression and someone is taking it.
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:10.720
They're receiving it.
00:32:10.720 --> 00:32:13.039
You know what they do with it after that is up to them.
00:32:13.039 --> 00:33:46.000
But you know so there was a we shared something and that was um that's been the most satisfying uh part of it and not something that I ever anticipated you know but um yeah it's kind of blew me away especially in the beginning um and now with each new each new baby that comes it's kind of the same thing watching those numbers and making sure I mean obviously I would love you know the the kinds of numbers that would eventually lead to you know sponsorship and those types of things and those are the goals those are long-term goals but just to have anyone you know downloading it listening yeah commenting on it it's it means so much yeah and you know that's one of the things that I learned early on when I started this podcast too is like one of my mentors um he's like you know don't don't get bogged down in like the numbers of it speak from the heart put out the creativity or whatever that you want to put out into the world the right people will find it when they need to find it you know and and they're little soldiers that are out there that are just people will find that episode one of Leo Braun that you know even though you're in you're in season two now you know they're they're gonna find that first one or they'll hear something now and they'll go back and they'll listen to a whole season you know um but but that the thought that your biggest fan has not heard of you yet right is big for me.
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:55.359
You know it's like so it's so it's about being honest putting out the putting out the work and letting it do its thing without stressing over it.
00:33:55.759 --> 00:34:13.760
Yep yep and that was something that was definitely learned because at first I was so trying I I I mean I'm terrible at social media marketing on social media I I that is an area that if I could I would want someone else to do it but because I'm just not very good at it.
00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:31.760
And um and it's a full-time job that in and of itself just getting the word out is such a full-time job and but I and I love the idea there are times when I'm just like that's kind of where Magnetar came from it was this silly idea that I had and and what it has become is way different than what the initial idea was.
00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:50.719
But I wanted something where I was like you know what I'm just gonna I'm gonna write it it's I'm gonna just put my ideas completely free don't limit myself or restrict myself in any way and I'm not gonna worry about the social media aspects or you know I'm just gonna put it out there organically and let it do its thing.
00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:51.119
Yeah.
00:34:51.280 --> 00:35:04.159
And so that's been a very satisfying thing to you know sort of like there's one model where you have these juggernauts like Leo Brawn and now what Topaz and Stillmuan going to be, but you got this little quirky guy over here, Magnetar just kind of doing its own thing.
00:35:04.159 --> 00:35:15.039
And that and so that one is uh was kind of an experiment but it's become such a joy and maybe one of the it's kind of close to being one of the favorite things that I've done just so far.
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:20.559
And it's nowhere near its end but um it doesn't we don't have a release schedule.
00:35:20.559 --> 00:35:22.400
It's just when we when we get to it.
00:35:22.400 --> 00:35:28.320
You know so you may not see an episode for a few months but then there'll be one and two after another.
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:28.800
So yeah.
00:35:29.199 --> 00:35:30.880
It's kind of a pressure off type of thing.
00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:32.639
Like I said it's it's it's an outlet.
00:35:32.639 --> 00:35:36.559
It's uh hey here's this thing that's out and it's doing its thing.
00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:40.400
And then when I've you know when I have the time I'll put out another one or whatever it is.
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:41.280
Yeah I love that.
00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:57.440
Yeah the yeah I love that yeah the the outlet like you said that was the most important aspect of that it's like okay I have sort of these big things running over here but I I still need the I need the freedom to just do something you know kind of silly and crazy.
00:35:57.679 --> 00:36:07.440
Yeah I love that so aside from uh the podcasts and and and all like that what uh what's bringing you joy Jason?
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:12.719
What brings me joy outside of the podcast?
00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:16.639
Um I'm a I'm a simple I'm so simple.
00:36:16.639 --> 00:37:29.039
I think one of the one joy is that because I've sort of well as we all have as you go through life there's ups and downs you hit your rough patches the world knocks you down a bit sometimes that's because of bad choices you've made you know I know I've certainly made many um so I've gotten to a point in my life where I know who I am that brings me a lot of joy um the insecurity is not there anymore it's not to say I don't have anxiety in fact as we talk about it further I do but um but I know who I am and I know who I want surrounded who I want to surround myself with and I am very simple in that respect you know it's my wife my children my parents my sisters we're all very close and um and so that that and and in having still being able to have friends I did go through a patch around COVID where I'd kind of lost touch with a lot of my friends and um I've just recently been able to sort of rekindle some of those relationships.
00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:54.480
So that has also been uh really nice to be able to you know call somebody up again and go to the movies or um my childhood friend um probably my best friend in the world I've known him since kindergarten he has gone through a very harrowing experience over the last few years and uh we had not always been in touch so we've been able to um get back in touch with each other and see each other and communicate on a regular basis.
00:37:54.480 --> 00:37:55.760
So that's been a lot.
00:37:55.760 --> 00:38:04.960
So that's those are the types of things that really bring me joy just those experiments experiences with those that are that I'm close with.
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:26.239
Jason this is the second segment of the show this is where we dive a little bit deeper into your mental health journey I definitely am someone who believes that the more that we can talk about this stuff, uh it helps us to realize we're not alone in these thoughts that we have, whether it be depression, anxiety, and things like that.
00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:42.159
And that takes off a little bit of that weight away because depression wants to tell you that you're alone and it really helps you to know that you're not so for you how do you keep the darkness at bay
00:38:42.159 --> 00:39:03.440
I think I've been programmed I will say there's a few things that I do but the one of them is I was I think if there was sometimes I believe that we are just really highly advanced computers and we're in the process of we're trying to rebuild what we've already created.
00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:14.719
And the reason I say that is because I feel like I was programmed to um have a positive outlook every single day regardless of what happened the day before.
00:39:14.719 --> 00:39:34.000
So I do try don't always succeed but I do try to remind myself that hey you made it you're here one more day um you know and uh you can put two feet on the ground stand up and that in and of itself is a victory.
00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:47.440
Um give yourself grace um don't beat yourself up too much that you're gonna run into people with titles that are higher than yours and status that are higher than yours.
00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:53.360
But at the end of the day we're all really just making it up as we go regardless of who you are.
00:39:53.360 --> 00:40:17.920
And um so that that levels the playing field which helps me where I get less intimidated or scared because in my professional life outside of the podcast world I do have to talk to executives that are in a you know in the C-suite and telling them you know either yay or nay sometimes when it comes to the type of software enhancements that they want.
00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:21.519
So um I can have uncomfortable conversations sometimes.
00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:24.239
But um so that's one thing.
00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:27.840
Exercise is another one that I've had to prioritize for myself.
00:40:27.840 --> 00:40:56.239
That so if if we really dig deep into it in 2009 I um left my job at that the place that I am lucky enough to have returned and have worked there the same same place I'm working now but I left the job because I had reached a really bad point in my life financially the relationship that I had with a certain someone at the time was not going well and um I ended up having to um live back at my parents for a short time.
00:40:56.239 --> 00:41:36.480
So feeling very much like a failure you know I was in my 30s and I wasn't making it you know I I I was seeing my friends make it I wasn't there I just could not seem to make things work and um and I had uh my first full-fledged like panic attack where I thought I was having a heart attack and I went to the emergency room where they said uh you're you're okay but you probably uh have anxiety and um they prescribed something which I just could not do and um I just it just laid me out made me a zombie and I just felt like I couldn't function.
00:41:36.480 --> 00:42:11.679
Um so for me um I uh so one one thing that I've never talked about this before but um I have the type of anxiety where you fear you I mean maybe this is where it all stems from but I fear death um and and that I it's a health related anxiety meaning I will sort of manifest that maybe there's a problem that really isn't there but once the seed is there it feels very real and um and and and I'm not the only one in my family that has this particular type.
00:42:11.679 --> 00:42:14.079
So um it was working through that.
00:42:14.079 --> 00:42:17.920
So exercise helped solve that riddle for me.
00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:18.880
Is this real?
00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:20.800
Am I really having a problem?
00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:33.119
Um I'm gonna I'm gonna jog in the treadmill today and if I don't I mean as morbid as it sounds but it's like if I don't drop dead then maybe I can convince my brain into telling me that I'm okay.
00:42:33.119 --> 00:42:34.880
And uh that's what I did.
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:52.320
And so I've used uh uh exercise as a way to sort of combat that and um because it kind of uh it's a I don't want to say I've rewired my brain but I I sit in it I can sit in it and really feel like oh no there's something really wrong here.
00:42:52.320 --> 00:42:56.400
I feel my heart beating and I'm perspiring and you know what's wrong?
00:42:56.400 --> 00:42:59.920
But I can kind of now talk myself out of it.
00:42:59.920 --> 00:43:01.920
You know like just sit sit with it.
00:43:01.920 --> 00:43:09.679
This is probably not a thing you know that you need to worry about you know check your blood pressure do the things that you need to do.
00:43:09.679 --> 00:43:51.039
I have all these little things at my disposal I can look at and sort of get to a point where I realize okay you're okay you're all right just sit through it's a little uncomfortable but you're gonna be okay and um sometimes that works sometimes it doesn't um I've never been to therapy um I I I have nothing against therapy it's just not something that I've I've personally done maybe it is something I'll pursue one of these days I don't know where this stems from like why I why I have those kinds of fears um I've have not explored that aspect of it um other than you know that we all want to live as long as we can.
00:43:51.039 --> 00:44:28.800
Right um you know um so but it is a um it is something that I had actually thought I had completely eliminated out of my life and it came back last year actually uh November uh last year I was working um on the podcast and the same thing just an eruption just sort of it just kind of like came over me uh just like heart rate went through the roof and I don't know where it came from and I found myself having the same feelings that I had had back in 2009.
00:44:28.800 --> 00:44:48.239
Um for whatever reason it was just all of a sudden I felt so vulnerable and and uh immediately started making all these doctors appointments and um you know come to find out I was okay but but it was just it's so hard to talk about.
00:44:48.239 --> 00:45:08.239
Not not I'm not I don't have any issue like sharing that side of myself but it's just weird that it's uh so specific to health and I don't know if that's common or not but I know that's how it's manifested itself for me it's just that that fear.
00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:10.719
Yeah.
00:45:11.119 --> 00:45:36.880
And and exploring that and and to to get through that I mean you say you haven't done any therapy or anything like that, but you've gone to medical doctors right so I mean were they able to offer any other other than you say they put you on something that just made you feel like you know like a zombie and you didn't like that feeling.
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:37.360
Right.
00:45:37.599 --> 00:45:55.920
Either but I mean were they able to offer any other explanation or anything like that or um in two back in 2009 not so much but um when I had the most recent bout yeah I went in and I did already have high blood pressure I was taking medication for high blood pressure and stuff like that.
00:45:55.920 --> 00:46:00.400
So um I and I had not been taking care of myself.
00:46:00.400 --> 00:46:05.039
I had not I had fallen out of any kind of healthy lifestyle.
00:46:05.039 --> 00:47:51.760
I was enjoying and indulging alcohol and you know all of the things and um and I so I just think my body was just like dude enough you know I'm not a like a I'm not a drug user or anything like that and never really have been but I enjoy my you know wine or beer or liquor and uh um and so I think it whatever and I love food not healthy food and um and so I think you know maybe it was a like you said like being up three in the morning trying to finish a podcast or whatever you know not not getting enough rest not taking care of myself and my body was just kind of like okay time out we're we're throwing in the towel here we're gonna we're gonna wake you up for you because you're not paying any attention and so um I did go to the doctors and you know went through the tests and they basically just said you know that um you know it's it's lifestyle it was more or less it was just a lifestyle uh change that I needed to make and I did something that I needed to get back to and uh um which yeah it meant eating healthier and slowing down on the on the alcohol and uh and uh getting some exercise in again and for me those those little changes have helped um uh quite a bit um it you know you know it doesn't always stave off the the uh catastrophic thoughts or you know things like that in fact I'm seeing some of that in my son now where I'm I'm I'm because he's uh 11 and he'll have moments where he'll you know see something on YouTube or whatever and he'll get worried about it.
00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:53.280
Like mainly is it real?
00:47:53.280 --> 00:48:32.960
You know, is this a real thing that's actually happening and um and it scares him you know and so then I have to we talk through what it is and then I explained that I said you know what son you have what I have which is we can live in our head and think that something is really happening you know that's not um and um I can't remember where I heard it but I said just think of yourself as um you know you're on the you're in the ocean on a surfboard and you're looking for the next big wave and I said now what's going to happen is the thought that you have right now is that is that big negative wave and that's what you're riding right now.
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:53.599
So what you want to do is stay in the ocean let that wave pass and wait for the positive wave to come and ride that for as long as you can and um and so I can't remember where that technique came from or where I heard it but it helped me you know to sort of mentally think of it that way.
00:48:53.599 --> 00:49:02.159
And um it's helped him you know to to be able to sort of shake through that when you know we we can't talk about it.
00:49:02.159 --> 00:49:13.760
And um you know I think it it helps that's another I don't know if that helps anybody but that was some I can't remember who said it but I it was very helpful at the time.
00:49:13.760 --> 00:49:20.079
So I use that sometimes to just avoid the catastrophic thinking or just or to you know shake it off.
00:49:24.559 --> 00:49:40.079
All right Jason this is the third segment of the show it's time now for the fast five the fast five is time now for the fast five sorry I'm still working on actually putting that jingle into a button or something like that.
00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:44.639
But well you got the pipes for it so you you need to get on it you need to get on it.
00:49:44.719 --> 00:49:49.039
I've I've heard I've heard the singing so you gotta you gotta get that jingle going
00:49:49.039 --> 00:50:21.760
fast five is powered by pod decks is an app created by my friend Travis Brown if you go to chewing the fatbr.com slash pod decks uh it'll take you to the link where you can download it in your favorite app store uh it's made for podcasters but they're great icebreaker questions um no wrong answers just the first scene comes off to the top of your head okay so you ready okay ready question number one what's your theme song and why
00:50:21.760 --> 00:50:42.079
oh uh Phil Collins in the air tonight I think and because I was an enormous Miami Vice fan uh especially that pilot and when I hear that song it it make I I can't separate the two now so uh it has to be that that's awesome that's a that's a great theme song I love that yeah
00:50:42.079 --> 00:51:15.840
I would say my theme song is this is this is goofy but my wife will tell you this is like I'm a big like Christmas music person just because it's positive and it's just you know it's just uplifting stuff but uh this is a call song called May Every Day Be Christmas and basically it's that every day outside of Christmas have that same type of feeling yeah that same feeling yeah I like that so that that that would be my theme song question number two how many chickens would it take to kill an elephant
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:40.079
uh okay first thing off the top of my head was 27 Wow I like I don't know why that I mean it's it's a ridiculous question so I mean you know 27 first off I I don't want to see an elephant get killed that's just me you know that's just just for anybody listening no murderous chickens right right I don't support that no not at all but twenty seven
00:51:40.079 --> 00:52:03.920
Florida I mean because you guys used to have like the the Barnum and Bailey and all that stuff and you know right maybe that's why it stopped there you go there were those chickens that came after the elephants there were 27 love it question number three name one thing on your bucket list
00:52:03.920 --> 00:52:05.519
I want to see the Grand Canyon.
00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:12.719
Ooh that's a good I never have so I definitely want to I I haven't done as much traveling as I would like in the U.S.
00:52:12.719 --> 00:52:24.400
I've probably been across the pond more than I have in the United States so that's something I want to rectify I I have been to the Grand Canyon.
00:52:24.559 --> 00:52:58.880
I definitely recommend you go I recommend that you stay in one of the campsites it's in by campsites it's a hotel you know in the park one of the best things that me and my oldest son did is when we we went and we stayed in the park and after dark you can't I mean there's no you can't have like flashlights and lights around and stuff like that but you can still go out to the rim and so we went out there to the rim and just laid back and you could just see the entire universe I mean you can see the Milky Way because there's no light pollution out there or anything like that.
00:52:58.880 --> 00:53:12.400
It was just and my youngest son to this day still's like I wish I had gone out there with you because we asked him to go and he was like no I'm gonna just stay and play my Game Boy or whatever you know and and now he's like I wish I'd gone out there.
00:53:12.400 --> 00:53:21.119
But yeah do it make the plans and and and make it happen Captain because it's definitely worth it definitely worth it.
00:53:21.119 --> 00:53:33.840
Absolutely all right question number four what's the best compliment you ever received
00:53:33.840 --> 00:53:44.719
um oh man I guess the thing that's popping in my head something we talked about was you know that I was a good writer I mean you know you know that's that's one of those things it doesn't take much
00:53:44.719 --> 00:54:14.639
I mean if it's something that you're passionate about as as artists you know uh as creatives we put so much stuff into it and then we become our worst critics about it like oh this is crap nobody's gonna so yeah getting something like good job something like that you know doing a performance and getting a hey that good job on that you know that's it doesn't take much for you to really feel like thanks yes okay it wasn't a complete waste
00:54:14.639 --> 00:54:15.119
yeah
00:54:15.119 --> 00:54:26.239
no I love that I love that and question number five where do you go when you need to blow off some steam
00:54:26.239 --> 00:54:40.800
oh man I wish I had an exciting answer I just go for a walk usually it's I'll just go for a walk yeah I just I just go for a walk and I usually try and stay off my phone and I'll just kind of talk through something myself.
00:54:40.960 --> 00:54:58.559
Hopefully it's a nice sort of brin breezy day not too unbearably hot here in Florida but but yeah usually it'll be something like that just get outside some fresh air and uh outside of these you know four walls and enjoy the fresh air for a little bit.
00:54:58.880 --> 00:54:59.440
That's good.
00:54:59.440 --> 00:55:00.079
That's good.
00:55:00.079 --> 00:55:00.800
I like it.
00:55:00.800 --> 00:55:02.159
I like it a lot.
00:55:02.159 --> 00:55:05.760
All right Jason that was our fast five and that is the show.
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:07.679
Thank you so much for being here man.
00:55:08.079 --> 00:55:09.920
Thank you Robb I really appreciate it.
00:55:09.920 --> 00:55:19.360
Thanks for I appreciate what you do that it's not you know you're not you're not just having a conversation that's just about what's the thing you're doing you know that you get into these types of things.
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:31.440
And I it's something that honestly I've never really talked about outside of my close circle of people so um I appreciate that you do this for people.
00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:32.719
Means means a lot.
00:55:32.960 --> 00:55:36.239
Well I I appreciate you being open to have the conversation.
00:55:36.239 --> 00:55:45.760
If folks want to keep up with you and shoestring TV or or Leo Brawn or any of that stuff what's the best way they could do that probably follow us on Facebook.
00:55:46.960 --> 00:56:21.360
We have the shoestring uh TV page or you can go to our Leo Brawn page um you can see updates on either one of those from uh Leo Brawn, Magnetar or what we've just recently released which is Topaz and Stillman or you can go to our Patreon site uh shoestringtv uh dot com and um that's sort of what I call like the hub so there you can get some extras some bonus clips and and things like that but um I'd say either one of those two places you're in you're in good shape you will know you will be in the know on what's happening with shoestring TV.
00:56:21.599 --> 00:57:25.280
Awesome well I'll make sure I put those links in the show notes and also I encourage you if you've not listened to any of these podcasts yet uh from shoestring TV check them out on Apple Podcasts Spotify YouTube wherever you get your podcast um listen to them love them give them a five star rating on whatever platform you're on so that they can continue this work and if you have a chance to write a review write a review review as well that means so much to me I know when I get those little emails it's like hey you've got a new review uh because it's often as the producer you it's a it's a solo kind of thing yes you've got a cast of 40 you know but it's like it's it's that validation it's that oh wow somebody liked it good job you know so please if you're listening check out Leo Brawn, Magnetar, uh Topaz and Stillman shoot everything shoestring TV's got going on uh and you can follow those in the links in the show notes Jason I love you buddy thank you so much for everything you are doing and for keeping doing it I I really do appreciate you
00:57:25.280 --> 00:57:31.519
thanks man love you too and I appreciate what you're doing and uh there's gonna be some more roles coming your way so be ready
00:57:31.519 --> 00:57:45.199
I'm ready I'm ready and if you would like to support this podcast I'd appreciate it if you bought me a coffee at chewing the fatbr.com but until next time I look forward to the chance we have to sit a spell and chew the fat
